Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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