im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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