fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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