Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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