why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
