i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
