she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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