I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
