They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
