he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
