I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?