Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
please come you make the beer taste better
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
