...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.