I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.