shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
