My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.