i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.