sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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