She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.