So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
