There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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