We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
