Me. At least after what I've been through.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
