I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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