alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
