i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
