I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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