Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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