WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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