did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
