...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
