just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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