So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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