Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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