Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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