And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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