the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
