I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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