dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.