What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...