Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
