toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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