Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
