but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
