I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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