I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
