he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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