this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
