He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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