are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
