I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
