Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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