I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i will never coherently bang her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
