Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
