even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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