I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
