I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
