I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
