Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
