The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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