Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
