just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
