I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
