Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
