Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
