her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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