She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
