Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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