yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
