Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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