Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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