My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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