I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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