ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
