Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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