So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
