I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
